Saturday, 16 February 2013

Total Filth

There is a new surge of Splinters related activity (soon to be announced). 
In the meantime...

For those of you who haven't bought a copy of the book yet (and those who have), if you're of a strong constitution, please listen to a FREE audio download of the sleaziest, most filthy story in the book.
Ladies and gentlemen, featuring the vocal talents of Richard Kellum, Timeline Books is delighted to present for your aural


Saturday, 17 November 2012

Splinters Catch Up and Competition Winner.

Has it really been 2 weeks since Splinters was launched at the Horror in the East convention in Lowestoft?
There's a bit of catching up to do then isn't there.

The convention was a load of fun. We sold books, drank alcohol and met some lovely people.

"Team Splinters"
(photo courtesy of Jenny Cosgrove)
 It was great for me to meet David Moody, Simon Coleby and also Adam Millard and his wife Zoe-Ray, who sustained a nasty injury during the afternoon.
(photo courtesy of Adam Millard)
I also finally got to meet Michael Wilson, the man behind the This is Horror website. I love his passion and enthusiasm and I'm very pleased to say that we are planning something together a little later on this year...
Emma and Jo, the organisers of the event should be very proud of what they achieved and we'll certainly be back next year.

The following weekend Joseph came to London town to do more Splinters related shenanigans at the Big Green Bookshop. It was a really great evening and Joseph read 'The Mango Tree' a wonderfully haunting tale and one that you too can read if you buy a copy of the book.

Joseph at the Big Green Bookshop
(photo courtesy of my telephone)
Since writing the last blogpost, Splinters has had some more reviews.
Here they are.
This review by Ben Bussey on the Brutal as Hell website.

There's this wonderful blogpost in praise of Joseph from the marvellously talented author Sam Enthoven.

But there is no doubt that this is the review that Joseph and I will remember for a very very long time, courtesy of BookCunt. Please read it if you can.

All the pre-orders have been posted and (hopefully) have arrived at their chosen destinations. One of them had the 'Golden Ticket of Death' in. And I can reveal that the winner is

Many congratulation to Steve, who wins loads of signed Joseph D'Lacey goodies, my own personal copy of Roald Dahl's Collected Short Stories and £50 to spend on any books he wants at the Big Green Bookshop. He also wins a full sized hand painted version of the Tarot Death Card, designed and painted by Robin Stevenson.
Last night I went to The book launch of Joseph's new novel BLOOD FUGUE, which is published by Proxima Books (part of Salt Publishing). I will be doing a review of this very shortly (the short version of that review is 'it's fucking amazing'), but I wanted to share with you a couple of photos from the launch. It was held at Blackwell's in Charing Cross Road and also appearing were Jonathan Green, who read us a horrifically dark alternative version of Alice in Wonderland and Pat Cadigan, who's story about possibly the most evil sadistic vampire hunter ever, was hypnotically brilliant. Jasper Bark, the evening's host fell ill halfway through after eating Blood Fudge, a vegan fudge that had been made especially for the launch.
He left the stage for a bit and just as Joseph had finished reading he came back out, looking very ill indeed. He then proceeded to attack Joseph.
Jasper Bark turns psychotic and attacks our boy, Joseph D'Lacey.
(photo courtesy of This is Horror)
Having bitten half his throat out Jasper then turns on the audience.
things are getting a little out of hand.
(photo courtesy of This is Horror)
Thankfully after charging full pelt into the crowd and sending me flying over the back of my chair, he returns to 'relative' sanity before further carnage ensues.
Joseph recovered and was able to sign books at the end.
The wonderfully talented Jenny Jackson was responsible for the horror make up here and also she was the person who stuck that razor blade in Zoe-Ray's face at Lowestoft two weeks ago.
As you can see, i've met some amazing people during my time on this book and my next blogpost will be a roll-call of honour and a huge shout out thank you for everyone who's helped us get this book published.
  But in the meantime...

Thursday, 1 November 2012

2 Days to Go.

Splinters will be born in two days time. I've got a bag packed by the front door and i'm practicing my breathing exercises.
Tomorrow, I head off to Lowestoft for the book launch at Horror in the East Convention.

This is the first one of these, so who knows what to expect. But judging by the lineup of authors, it should be a cracker.
  • Adam Baker
  • Ivan Bunn
  • Henry Baker
  • Simon Coleby
  • Joseph D'Lacey (that's our boy)
  • Joseph Freeman
  • Andrew Hook
  • Paul S. Huggins
  • Iain McKinnon
  • Adam Millard
  • David Moody
  • Sean T Page
  • Conrad Williams

  • I recently read Joe and Me, a brilliant short story by David Moody, so I really keen to meet him too. This is one of a new series of chap books which This is Horror are producing. They are well worth a look.
    This is a FREE convention, and I'd like to thank Emma the organiser, for givng us the opportunity to launch the book there.


    We've now arranged a London launch date for Splinters too, so those people who can't make it to Lowestoft will be able to whoop and cheer and congratulate Joseph on a fine piece of writing.

    It's happening on Saturday November 10th, from 7pm at the Big Green Bookshop in cosmopolitan Wood Green, North London.
    Detail of the launch can be found here.

    View Larger Map
    The shop is only five stops from King's Cross on the tube and it'll be a really great night. There may even be some special surprises, so if you are in the United Kingdom on November 10th, come along.

    The book got another fantastic review yesterday from The Eloquent Page website. Thanks to Paul for really getting it.

    Don't forget, that if you order a copy of the book before Monday 5th, you will be in with a chance of winning all this stuff.
    • A signed copy of Meat
    • A signed copy of Garbage Man
    • A signed copy of Kill Crew
    • A signed copy of Joseph's new novel, Blood Fugue, courtesy of the lovely people at Salt Publishing (published in a couple of weeks).
    • A signed copy of Black Feathers, Joseph's new two part novel published next year, courtesy of a gorgeous publishers Angry Robot.
    • £50 to spend on any books you like, courtesy of the UK's finest bookshop
    • My own personal copy of Roald Dahl's Collected Short Stories, in recognition of what a great storyteller he was.
    Instructions on how to claim the prize will also be inside the winner's book.
    We think this is a pretty special prize. And even if you don't win, you'll have got yourself a brilliant collection of short stories. YOU CAN'T LOSE!  



    Tuesday, 30 October 2012

    Four Days.

    This Friday, Joseph D'Lacey and I will be in Lowestoft. I've never been to Lowestoft before.

    This is where it is. 
    We'll be in Lowestoft because there is a new Horror Convention called 'Horror in the East' happening there.
    This is where Splinters is being officially launched on Saturday.
    That's 4 days time.
    4 DAYS TIME!!!
    OK, calm down.
    • You sent out the proof copies for people to review. a
    • The finished copies have now arrived, safely from the printers. a
    • The Tarot Death Card has been designed. a
    • Joseph will be able to sign and number all the pre-orders before the weekend. a
    • You have found accommodation for your trip to Lowestoft. a
    • The book is awesome.  aaa
    Pumpkins love a bit of D'Lacey

    Here are a couple of recent reviews of Splinters.
    This rather lovely one from Nathan Robinson on Snakebite Horror.
    This equally gorgeous one from Jim McLeod on Ginger Nuts of Horror
    and Scott Pack (Who stars as Me on his famous blog Me and My Big Mouth) wrote this review of Mango Tree, one of the stories in the collection.
    Go on.. you  know it makes sense.

    Friday, 26 October 2012


    So, this afternoon at about 1.32pm a 7 tonne truck arrived, with a pallet (amongst other things) in the back, addressed to me. I'd been waiting for this since 8am. Here it is.
    It's the pallet at the back on the left.
    I knew what it was. I was pretty sure I knew what it was.
    OK. So half an hour later, after getting the boxes up the steps to my flat and into my flat I sat back and looked at the boxes.  
    So, I guess we ought to open them eh?
    Ooh, what's that cheeky little thing poking out of the box?
    Shall we open it up even more??
    So, there they are. The first copies of Splinters that i'd ever seen. The book i'm publishing. A book that I care about deeply and think is pretty amazing actually.
    So, I guess i'm going to have to touch one now....
    Ooh, a sexy new book.
    It is real. It's a real book. I'm so so excited.
    I look inside and there are words. The brilliant words of Joseph D'Lacey. They are all exactly as I remember them. Which is a relief.
    It has happened. Splinters by Joseph D'Lacey is a thing. An actual thing.
    Today has been good.

    You can read all about this book right here. 

    Due Date

    Today, I am sitting in my flat patiently waiting for delivery of 500 copies of Splinters by the awesome Joseph D'Lacey.

    The books are in a van en route to chez Timeline and I cannot wait to see what the final product looks like. This is a very nervous time. What if the PDF I sent to the printers was corrupt? What if it says Spintlers on the cover? What if they're all printed upside down?
    Of course, none of this will happen....but it's odd what goes through your mind.
    So while I wait, I should tell you that the 'Golden Ticket', which has been loving designed and created by Robin Stevenson (@Raliel) has been delivered.
     Every copy of the book that's ordered before publication date will be sealed. In one of those sealed copies will be a 'Golden Ticket'. In this case the golden ticket will be a Tarot Death Card. The person who finds this card inside their book win loads of amazing things, including signed books, and £50 to spend at the Big Green Bookshop.  Read more about it here.
    And here it is.
    It's pretty.
    But that's not all, because Robin has not only created this wonderful card, but he's also painted a full size version, which he has kindly agreed to add to the list of prizes.
    Wanna see it? OK!
    It's painted on a wooden painting block and it's absolutely staggeringly gorgeous. I've even bought a copy of the book myself in the hope that I find the 'Golden Ticket'.
    Robin is a truly talented artist. His work has been chosen by Neil Gaiman and Amanda Palmer to sell at their celebrity auctions and this painting is undoubtedly a very collectible piece.

    So while I wait for the copies of Splinters to arrive, why not give yourself a chance of getting your hands on all that loot by buying a copy.
    Even if you don't win, you still have a brilliant book to read. Read my preview of it here.
    You can't lose.

    Wednesday, 24 October 2012


    Here's a rundown of the twelve short stories in Splinters by Joseph D'Lacey. This is the book that we're (i'm) publishng very very shortly. It really is wonderful, so please spend a couple of minutes reading this. It means a lot to me.
        The idea of this is to give you not only a flavour of the book, but to also give you an idea of the reasons these stories were chosen and why I put them in the order I did.

    Set in Gemini Apartments, the story explores paranoia, where nosey neighbours take on a modern twist. It's a multilayered story that starts off with a sinister uneasy undertone, which then spirals and spirals to a whole new level. I chose this story to put in first, because a) it's one of my personal favourites and b) because it sets a tone for the whole book.

    Lights Out
    When you were young were you scared of the dark? Did you think there was something under your bed that might get you? This is the classic premise of this 10 pager. Our main character Joe has lived with this fear since he was young, but it has remained with him. As he has grown, his imagination of what could possibly be under the bed has grown with him. And now his son is beginning to worry what's under HIS bed. There's a twist. A brilliant twist.

    By now, after two stories, you'll probably need a break. Not only to compose yourself, but to savour the stories you've just read.

    Right, OK? Let's continue.

    Altar Girl
    This story marks a change of direction in the book. Life, for Sophie has not turned out the way she'd dreamt. Her husband is a slob and her kids are spoilt and ungrateful. As she stands by the kitchen sink, she wonders to herself, 'if only things were different...'
    It's a Wonderful Life never got this dark.

    The Quiet Ones
    This tale follows an assassin's journey across a treacherous and inhospitable frozen landscape to eradicate a commune, who have chosen to leave behind civilization. What grabbed me about this story was how claustrophobic it felt, despite the vast open spaces this story is set in. It's also told by an unseen narrator, which adds to the sense of unease.
    This short passage sums this up;
    'You zero the crosshairs on her temple & let your finger rest on the trigger.
    Death is a moment away.
    You are the keeper of that moment'.

    Four stories down .
    I know, you're already convinced. Here you go, you can BUY IT HERE

    OK, now you've sorted that out, we'll continue;

    The Unwrapping of Alistair Perry
    Another multilayered story, literally in this case. Our eponymous hero finds himself transforming into something different. Something he's always wanted, but something unattainable until now. But this is just the start of Alistair's journey. Where will this transformation lead him?
    Another superb and well thought out surreal story that keeps you guessing until the very end.

    The Mango Tree
    Joseph's previous novels Meat, Garbage Man & to a certain extent Kill Crew explore our relationship the earth the dangers of not living in harmony with nature, earning these books a further sub-genre 'Eco Horror'. Mango Tree also visits this theme.
    On the island where he lives, Etoile is a loner. The islanders visit him to buy the fish he catches, as it is far superior than any other.
    The children on the island avoid him & the other islanders warn them that he will come for them at night if they don't behave. When Etoile catches one of the children trying to pick a mango from the tree next to his hut, after a dare, we learn that perhaps there is something special about Etoile. Something very special indeed.
    This story highlights, once again, how versatile Joesph is as a writer. The pace and style of it is completely different from the previous five stories in this collection. It is a beautiful piece of writing.

    So, here are the first six stories. Yes, we're half way through now. There are still half a dozen little gems to go. Not a zombie in sight (don't worry, there's got ot be one somewhere).
    Armageddon Fish Pie
    This is a poignant, thought provoking story which follows one man as he prepares for the end of the world. Throughout the story, he watches the reactions of others and reflects on his past. This was one of the first stories I chose to put in the collection, because once again it shows how versatile a writer Joseph is. In fact, the last three stories are all so individual you may think they'd been written by different people. This is unlike any 'End of the World' story you would imagine.

    This story, based in and around New Delhi, is a warning of how too much heroin can transform you into something completely different. It's the shortest story in the collection, and there's something about it that reminds me of this scene in An American Werewolf In London.

    Rhiannon's Reach
    This, in contrast to Kundalini, is the longest of the stories in the collection. Previously published in a wonderful chapbook a few years ago, this is the story of a man who, after having a near-death experience whilst diving is now equally terrified and obsessed with the sea. Much like being in the sea, this story carries us along, until we suddenly find ourselves out of our depth. Joseph once again touches on man's relationship with nature in this tale, which keeps you guessing until the very end.
    Son of Porn
    Time for a little relief, in the form of Nutbuster McGooch. A porn baron who is possibly the most sexually depraved person alive. I think Joseph enjoyed writing this story and despite its light hearted nature, does ask a few questions about evolution. Possibly. After the last story, I wanted to add something that changed the mood. I think this does it very effectively.
    What They Want (What Aliens Really, Really Want)
    Another inspired and totally unique story, taking a whole new look at why aliens may be interested in the human race. It's actually 4 mini stories in one, each story looking at a different period of time and location in history. The last of these four stories is the killer. And the last line gets you just there.
    So we've reached the last story in the collection. And we couldn't leave you without first giving you a zombie story. But as is the way throughout this collection, it's a different take on the traditional zombie story. So here it is.
    The Food Of Love
    This is a beautiful, tender love story, in which a doctor and nurse fall in love trying to find a cure to a terrible illness that is sweeping the earth. Symptoms of this illness inevitably lead to death, but worse than that (for those still living at least), the dead come back to life shortly afterwards and are hungry for meat in whatever form it takes.
    This story has it all, and Joseph really cranks up the emotion. There's a lot more going on in this final story than just zombies and it's a fitting way to end the collection.
    There you go then. That's Splinters. It's awesome. If you like awesome, there are two free stories that aren't in the book on this microsite
    Oh, and if you haven't bought it yet and i've persuaded you to give it a try...

    There's only going to be 500 printed and each will be numbered and signed by Joseph. It's only £8.99 and if you order it before November 3rd you stand a chance of winning loads of stuff. LOOK